A Divine Scandal (page 11)

I want what my friend had.  That peace and contentment about life.  That fledgling-type trust in his Father Above.  I'm not sure if anything could be better than that after seeing the way he carried himself.

It's an odd thing to juxtapose this Divine Faithfulness with timing.  Guess I was writing it because of the screwy day I had on Friday.  And it was only screwy because I made it that way.  I laugh at myself when I look at how I went about that day. All stressed and praying, "God, provide for me" over and over again in different words each time like I could manipulate the Father's response because of my own eloquence.

Just as an FYI: there is no eloquence in asking the Lord for help.  There is broken you with your broken heart living in a broken world muttering and re-muttering the truth behind your emotions:

I love you Lord.

You have searched me

and you know me.

Awesome is you Name.

God, let both your world 

and you will come

here where I live

just as You meant it to be.

And give me all that I need today.

Please forgive me 

and forgive the people who wronged me.

God, I simply love you.  That's all.  Amen.

Looking in retrospect, I did not have the young trust my Haitian friend had.  And you'd think that I would've learned by now after being deported from England back in August, then being diagnosed with cancer seven months later, and still writing you today completely cancer-free.

But no, I let my own scheduling get in the way. Complaining that I didn't budget in buying a new computer (list price: $1,199) or even fixing the hard drive.  Then that led to the thinking, "Well, if I buy a new computer how will I afford to visit my fiancee?  I'm planning a wedding.  We're just starting out.  I'll find another way.  I'll bum my sister's computer off her.  Nope, can't do that. She's going back to school."  The skewed logic went on the entire day.

It's a skewed logic because nowhere in there was, "It's all good.  I bet God's got it all sorted.  Now where's my part in the role?"  And, of course, if I flip back a few pages I will see God's faithfulness playing out in scandalous ways because He's always proving true no matter the situation.  Stupid old me, I'm not even listening to the words I'm writing.

Remember Step Six?  This is a good example of me repeating the process.

Here is some comfort for this whole faithfulness-scheduling-grinding-the-gears-in-our-life thing:

The steps of a man are established by the Lord,

when he delights in his way;

though he fall, he shall not be cast

headlong,

for the Lord upholds his hand.

(Psalm 37: 23&24)

God's faithfulness showing up in our life again, check.