A Divne Scandal (page 9)

I struggled writing this page. I kept messing up what I wanted to say over and over and over again. The more I wrote the more I became confused. I had no point. I had no idea formed, but I kept writing anyways.

It just didn't work.

Now it's passed 10 at night. The house has gone to bed. The fan is still oscillating barely cooling me down. And as strange as it may sound, I just brewed up a cup of tea. That makes no sense, boiling drink on a 90s day.

Needless to say, the world has finally quieted. Loneliness came, but it's that good type of lonely. The kind you wish for after being in a crowd of people all day. Bedtime will come soon and that holds an even sweeter quiet.

Quiet...

Quiet...

Calm still quiet.

I like that moment right before you fall asleep. That moment when your eyes are closed, you've yawned your last yawn; you've found that comfortable spot for your head on the pillow, and dreams ending with the clunking water pipes from the shower behind your wall are just about to commandeer you for adventures of childish proportions. It's that moment when the crickets fade and August's hums turn to comforts. It's that moment you are truly alone even if your sweetheart lays beside you.

There is you. And there is calm still quiet.

I like to think that is the moment you are alone with the Divine Intimate. Nothing to faze you. Nothing to distract. Nothing at all.

Maybe this is our nightly chance encounter with the God of the Universe. Maybe we can only understand such a surreal moment as a calm still quiet where nothing can rouse us, nothing at all. That is what I'm looking forward to tonight. Stowing away from the world I know. Blocking my ears from all the hustle and bustle.

Because I got burnt out today. Ended up in a stressy mood. I'm sure, for those of you who know me, that makes you chuckle. My moods are as flamboyant as a child’s. I would even go as far to say that you could put me up on stage, throw me in the lime light so I was the center of attention, and I would still get on my belly whaling and whining throwing a temper tantrum. True story.

The funny think about faithfulness is that when we need it most - when we want it to be real, tangible, visible and all that true life stuff - we just don't allow it to run its course. We remain stuck in our ways. We let our emotions get the best of us. We take pity on ourselves and revert to the whole "Woe is me" routine. And we say to God, "Screw this whole 'Woe is me' attitude. I'm done with it. All I need is You. Come into my life. Your grace is sufficient. Show me favor. I love You..." We go on for hours. And seriously, we must sound like a broken record after a while.

And that's what I did all day.

But I realized something tonight. Found it somewhere in between trash on TV and my writing this page. Found out that this is the quiet God wanted me to take part in. This is the place He had for me to go during all those wasted hours of worry and stress. Because now I'm content. And all the troublesome has washed away.

Wash away August sun
Wash away sultry noon
Silent sound summer sky
Skipping rocks on the moon
I am lost between dreams,
Between dreams and morning
Scenes.
I am kept like faith full of rising
I am faithfully kept.