Thanks Jerry (page 4)

I guess the inevitable finally came.  And you know, I'm actually cool with it.  Nearly a week has passed since our beach binge-ing escapade .  I bet Mike's back in Florida, but I didn't get to say "Bye" so a phone call will suffice.  Eddie's back up on the North Shore and Joe's gone disappearing again.  I'll just have to ask his dad how he's doing on Sunday as I always do.

Our separate lives are back to the normal we all know.

I have no reason not to look forward to the future because of the possibility that they will not play a major role in it.  They've already played a major role in my life and it's helped shape me into the man I am today.  I get to look forward to seeing them at my wedding or receiving a phone call the day after my first child is born.  Hey, maybe we'll even go back to Onset Bay late at night, light up some cigars and celebrate together for where God has taken each one of us in life.

We all have a different calling in life and that's me not talking in oober spiritual terms.  But it's true. Each one of us is drawn to a different path.  We all have our little quirks and nuances that tug us in different directions.  It's the identity that we fall into, find, create for ourselves - or however you want to put it - that changes our course in the subtlest of ways.  It's even our faults, not just our successes, that define us.  We are a dynamic people.

And I have to admit, we are a fickle people as well. One who embraces the idea of change, but when change comes upon us, most of the time, we want nothing  to do with it.  And we are a control-freak people.  One not fully accepting of the change at hand unless we've written some of its bylaws.

I saw us all changed the other night.  I didn't like it then.  I'm still not sure if I like it now.  But I'm accepting of it.  And I'm actually excited, to a certain extent, to see the outcomes of our lives. You know, anything's possible.  So maybe we'll be the group that defies Time's separating us and do more than send a Hallmark card during the holidays. Maybe we'll live near each other again one day, or find ourselves attending the same church and reconnect like we were all 13 again going to youth group for the very first time.

I don't know what God has in store for us or even what He has going on for me.  This whole deal with me not having a heaven-sent billboard with a massive neon arrow and subtitles pointing and telling me where to go used to be a big bother.  I just wanted to know the next step.  I'm not too put off by it now.  Guess I feel semi-on-my-own though.

The other night Mike was the one leading the way to Sandy's.  He didn't care if there was a so-called, most likely self-titled security guard there.  He just went.  No questions asked.  That's how Mike is. Me, on the other hand, I was one of the ones - quote, "squeamishly" end quote - falling in line behind him thinking, "Well, if anything goes wrong I don't want to be the one getting in trouble."

And I've always done that.  This is one way the group has worked so well.  I've always been cautious and done the "What-Ifs?"  Mike's step one has always been, "Go for it.  See what happens.  And if anything goes wrong, that's when we need to think of the What-Ifs?"

Guess I need to find that gap-filler for this dynamic now that we're all moving thousands of miles apart. Here's a good start though:

The steps of a man are established by

the Lord.

(Psalm 37:23)