A Generalization (page 4)

He is jealous for me

Loves like a hurricane

I am a tree

-John Mark McMillan

And I will be blunt here: God is selfish for our time, for having us, for intimacy with all of mankind.

Say it.  I know you're thinking it: "God can't be selfish.  That's like some negative human trait. That is the opposite of His Son's ministry, of His Son's dying on the cross for us.  No way."

For the past two years I have been courting Sorrel. You should have seen her jumping with sheer wild excitement that day Mike, Lauren and me pulled up in his bidi yet reliable Dodge Neon.  That little car had seen Mike and his lovely girl across the US like a modern day Oregon Trail, bringing them safely into a happy future.  Little did I know that car was taking me on the same loving journey with Sorrel.

(Okay, you can gag at "loving journey."  I just did and I wrote the thing.)

We all laughed at her excitement and I think Mike gave me the, "Are you really sure about this girl?" look.  And no, I wasn't sure at the time.  I had no clue that one night, one very cold January night, I would get down on one knee and rushedly say, "Sorrelwillyoumarryme?"  Present her with a ring. And stay weighted down to the ground by some nervous, "What will she say?" feeling only to see her jump with that same wild excitement after a "YES" showed in her smile and the way she embraced/jumped into my arms, and kissed me.

We moved quickly from our 2-week fling to the infamous realm of Facebook.  I'll spare you the details.  I was merely being my normal flirting self. That always either works to my advantage - ummm...an "Amen" to that in retrospect because I am now marrying a girl who could have ever only put up with me via God's divine grace - or my flirting nature gets me in trouble because I cruelly, yet ignorantly, lead the female genre on.  

So slap me on the wrist and say, "Naughty naughty boy" in a non-provocative and non-sexual way.  Oh well, I got the girl, right?

Then we moved onto the proper date thing.  

Then to the talk-on-the-phone thing every night even if it costs me $300 per month.  No lie.

And through something I can't even coin in words except with that cliche "love" diction, we stayed together whilst 3,000 miles away.

And over the course of our courting I have posted her numerous letters, but not as many as I would have wished.  Sent her the hundreds to Facebook messages since the internet offers such a high state of romance (this can easily be noted via Smileys; I'm a fan of Skype's It Wasn't Me face).  Talked with her until nothing was left to talk about.  Went the jewelry route of South Sea pearls, jade straight from China, a family heirloom and a complete spoiling of the girl I love.  

I have not loved her completely though.  That will only come after a lifetime spent together.

All that said, I am selfish with the love I keep for her.  I did all I knew and what I didn't know to win her over.  I let nothing come in the way of that victory.  Call it stupidity, but I used to shut off my focus in class and instead of taking notes, as I should have been, I was writing her letters. Professor Eisenhart definitely noticed.  Like all of the teacher race, I think he has a keen sense for someone's focus or lack thereof.  

I was consumed in this growing love for her.

Now take God with humanity.  Take God's love for the human race.  If my love for Sorrel consumed me, then I can't even imagine what His love for each and every one of us does to Him.

To be continued...

John Mark McMillan. "How He Loves." Rec. 28 Nov. 2005. The Song Inside the Sounds of Breaking Down. 2005. MP3.